The etiquette of dating

Last night I met a man from your site with whom I have been emailing a little over the last few months and with whom I had a lovely conversation on the phone. His emails are not very regular, he is a professional man with a very successful and busy career and became a widower in May last year (been married for 19 years). He told me he is ready to move on. However the laid-back attitude nearly put me off. I somehow think if a man really likes you he needs to be chasing you regularly. Anyway, we finally met last night and he was so lovely! Looked great, a real gentleman. In fact, he ticked all my boxes. We talked so easily about real stuff. I felt we really clicked. It was great. But then, when we said goodbye, he did not say "I will call you" or anything like that. Just "nice to meet you" kind of stuff and he seemed slightly embarrassed/shy. No promise, no indication.

Wow, what's wrong with me? I am interesting, successful, attractive, kind, and sensitive. I am starting to lose confidence. Is it strange to expect a guy to make it clear that he wants to see you again? The way he left it was the same as what I do when I don't like someone enough. Could I be reading this so wrongly? Should I wait for him to contact me? Should I just move on? But it is so rare I meet anyone I truly like! Anna

Dear Anna,

A man who was widowed only 9 months ago and who was previously married for 19 years is unlikely to be up to date with the etiquette of dating - how often you should email, what you should say at the end of a date etc, so it is likely that he's just being cautious. On the other hand, the experience of going on a date may have caused him to feel some ambivalent feelings. It is very common for people to feel very guilty if they like someone so soon after a partner's death. He may have thought he was ready to move on but that doesn't necessarily mean he really was. In such a situation there is really no reason to take rejection personally - it probably has nothing to do with you.

I don't think you have much to gain from 'playing hard to get' although clearly you don't want to be very pushy either. My advice would be to get in touch, see how it goes and if everything seems ok, suggest another date. If he likes you and he's ready for another relationship there's no reason why he would be put off by that. Otherwise, sooner or later, he'll tell you how he feels and then at least you'll know and it will be easier for you to move on, knowing you gave it your best shot.

Best Wishes, Nafsika

If you want to ask Dr Thalassis's advice send an email to coaching@parship.co.uk